This issue caught my eye, believe it or not, in the bathroom when I opened up an issue of Cosmo magazine. I typically don’t read the articles until I get bored. I’m ashamed to say that I buy magazines for the pictures and the random sex tips etc. (don’t judge me lol). So, as I flip frivolously through the pages, not paying the random articles any type of attention, I see a woman on the page staring ever so angrily at a man and a woman at the alter. The title said it all. 

The One Before “The One”

The one before “the one” is the woman who gets involved with a “dog” and grooms him into the perfect gentleman. The woman who takes the cheating asshole who loves attention, can’t stand relationships, is afraid of commitment - the whole nine and transforms him into a real man who opens doors and pops up with dinner already cooked as soon as you walk in the door, blah blah etc. I can’t stress enough how many times I’ve been this girl. My ex-boyfriend is now with the girl of his dreams, but when I met him, I had to endure all of his nonsense and all of the hurt and pain that he caused me because I was inlove and I thought that he was the one. I remedied his wrongs and made them right, not once, or twice - but time after time, holding on to the hope that he’d repay the favor with gratitude or SOMETHING.

Here’s the thing: I don’t miss him or want him back, but if I had to bare his cross to absolve him of his sins, why is it acceptable that he goes onto the next girl a reformed man and treats her like the queen that I made him realize that she truly is, when really I’m the one who should have reaped the benefits of my own work.  The work that I put into making the relationship last for as long as it did and for making him into the gentleman that I should have met him as. 

Besides becoming older, more mature, and taking part in this journey that we call “life”, let’s really think about this. All of the experiences that you’ve gone through, since birth, all have some type of role in the play that you lead everyday. I’ve had some rough relationships, so naturally I have trust issues at times, but don’t we all? If you don’t have some type of trust issue, you’ve never been hurt - or you’re just naive. People always say to “proceed with caution” when it comes to new relationships, but you cannot control the feelings that you catch for someone. Then when the feelings are there and you’re sure it’s mutual, an anvil drops on your head like in the road runner cartoons. It’s quite daunting when you find out that the person you love does not love you, or that he’s still in love with the girl before you, or whatever the issue may be. I can’t say that all of my wounds are healed but one thing that I know is that wounds heal, but scars don’t always fade.

Are women who fall into this category women who subject themselves to men who they feel are a challenge? The bad boy? The one who will give her all of the ups and downs of a rollercoaster only to know that when the ride is over, he hops off and goes onto the next ride, leaving you with an upset stomach and a headache; and what I find to be even more upsetting is that all of this time that you spend on making him “the man”, you completely lose yourself in the midst of everything. You’re daily life becomes impacted on the questions “what kind of bullshit is he going to pull today?”. So, you’re left sitting there, ripping apart the foundation only to enforce it to uphold a better building and voila! once the building is built, it acts like you had no part in placing back together each moral, brick by brick, wire by wire and so on.

This issue has been on my mind lately. It makes me delve into my own psyche. It makes me wonder what I really want from a relationship, and furthermore a partner. Someone who listens to the same music as I? Someone who can make me laugh? Someone who will bring me flowers and a louie bag just because he feels like it? Here’s one thing that I know for sure - I do not under any circumstances believe in fairytales because that’s exactly what they are - tales, and if you did not notice, fairies aren’t even real. So do you really expect me to believe that I’m going to stumble upon a genie that’ll grant me three wishes, or suddenly fall asleep for a billion years and wake up more beautiful than when I’d go to sleep from some dude who decides that he’s just going to kiss me? What dude kisses a billion year old body?! Hold on, who sleeps for a billions years?! Oh, how about this one: I suddenly have a fairy god-mother coincidentally on the same exact night that the Prince comes in town to find a wife. This fairy god-mother dresses me up in the finest of cloths, gives me a PUMPKIN carriage, and a night long dance with the Prince. Oh, and notice ME in the crowd of women that are all salivating at the thought of him even making eye contact with them? That the Prince and I are going to dance the night away and just as my magic is wearing off, my foot falls out of a distinctive glass slipper? PAUSE. I danced the entire night and my shoe didn’t fall off…so why would it fall off JUST as it’s time for me to leave??! And here’s what’s even more ridiculous! He picks up my shoe and identifies me with that one shoe as if my foot is the ONLY foot in the ENTIRE town who could fit into that shoe. So, you mean to tell me that I’m the only one who’s foot can fit into the shoe? C’mon. Let’s retract this even more! Where in the world was my fairy godmother when my three evil stepsisters and evil step-mom were being complete and total bitches to me? Or when they made me clean up the entire palace only for them to mess it up moments later? Shoot, my best friends were mice! Fairy godmother, you sure popped up at the right time, because if you were there the whole time, I could just wish myself into the life that I wanted and not ever gone through the strife and torment which ensued my daily life. Ugh. Disney and it’s faults. All in all, the picture that I’m trying to paint is that nothing is perfect but with some elbow-grease and a little bit of hope (more than little bit), a healthy relationship is more than achievable. However, in this case, the dude kind of leaves you hanging in the closet like mom’s yearly Christmas sweater because Daddy bought you a new toy car.

Even though I don’t necessarily think that I’m actually in this predicament (I hope not) as of right now, but you can’t help but to wonder “what if?”. Life’s mysteries often go unsolved, but with faith, I truly believe that there is always an answer. 

-Britney